Hey Fab Fam,

I bought a new pair of shoes last week.

I left them in my checkout cart for ten minutes, trying to talk myself out of it.

"You don't need this." "That's money you should save." "You know you can't even walk in heels anymore without your back hurting." "You already spent too much money this month."

Now, mind you, I have not bought myself a new pair of shoes in years.

I took them out of my cart twice before finally hitting the "buy" button before I could change my mind again.

And here's the embarrassing part: I felt guilty about it for two days.

Guilty... for something that made me feel good.

Seriously? What is that about?

I'm writing this from Bali.

I'm on a self-care trip with a few women I love, and it's been one of those weeks where everything you think you know about yourself gets quietly rearranged. Yesterday, one of the women I'm here with said she'd been feeling guilty about how much money she'd spent on the trip. She said it like a confession. Like she owed someone an apology for showing up.

And I sat with that, because I know that feeling. I've been sitting with it all week, actually, which is probably why I'm still turning that shoe guilt over in my mind.

Here's what I think is happening.

At this age, we believe we're supposed to be more adult. More serious. More done with wanting things.

We look at what makes us happy and think, "That's childish." We see something we want and think, "I should save that money." We feel joy from something small and think, "I'm too old to care about this."

Like pleasure has an expiration date. Like when you hit 50, you're supposed to graduate from wanting things that feel good.

The exact opposite is true.

The older you get, the more you feel mortality creeping in. You start counting how many good years you might have left. You notice time moving faster. And that makes you want to feel more alive, not less.

You want to feel as much pleasure as you can while you still can.

That's why men buy motorcycles at 50. That's the midlife crisis everyone jokes about. They're not being reckless. They're trying to feel something. They're grabbing for aliveness before it's too late.

But when women do it? When we want the red lipstick, the sparkly shoes, the trip to Bali to remind ourselves we're still here? We feel frivolous. Immature. Selfish. And most of that guilt we put entirely on ourselves.

So we talk ourselves out of the small act that would have brought us pleasure. And we stand in the store aisle feeling guilty for wanting.

And look, sometimes the guilt is real. Sometimes the money genuinely isn't there, and buying the shoes anyway comes with consequences. I'm not here to tell you to be reckless with rent money. That's not pleasure. That's stress wearing a bow.

But a lot of the time? The money is there. Or the thing is small. Or we've spent more without blinking on something for someone else. And we still feel like criminals for wanting it for ourselves.

That's the part I'm talking about.

Meanwhile, the desire for pleasure doesn't stop as your age increases. You don't suddenly stop needing things that feel good just because you got older.

You need it more.

Because when you're young, everything is new. Everything is exciting. The world is full of wonder because you haven't seen it all yet. Pleasure is everywhere because everything still surprises you.

But at 50 plus? You've seen a lot. Done a lot. The newness wears off. The excitement dulls. Things that used to thrill you don't hit the same way anymore.

So you have to grab pleasure where you find it. You have to pay attention to the small things that still make you feel something. You have to stop talking yourself out of the red lipstick, the massage, the trip, the strawberry cheesecake.

Because if you wait until pleasure feels "appropriate" or "adult" or "worth it," you're going to be waiting forever.

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WHAT YOUR TRUE SELF WANTS YOU TO KNOW

At 20, you had the luxury of "someday." There was always later, always next year, always when the time is right.

At 50 plus, you know better. Bodies change. Energy shifts. The things you can do now, you might not be able to do later. So when you deny yourself that small pleasure, you're not being responsible. You're gambling that you'll have more time. More energy. More years.

And maybe you will. But maybe you won't.

This isn't morbid. It's honest. Wanting things means you're alive. And at this age, that matters more than being sensible.

TRUE SELF MINDSET RESET

What you've been telling yourself: "I should be past wanting these small, silly things by now."

What's actually true: "I'm not too old to want things. I'm finally old enough to stop apologizing for it."

THE PLEASURE CRIMINAL CONFESSION BOOTH

You know what kills guilt faster than anything? Finding out everyone else is doing the exact same thing.

So come confess. Drop your guilty pleasure in the Confession Booth, read everyone else's, and realize you are absolutely not alone.

"I watched Love Island for 6 hours and told my husband I was working." "I bought a $200 face cream and hid the receipt." "I pretended to be asleep so I didn't have to make dinner."

You respond to each one with one line. Funny. No judgment.

Drop your confession here.

WRAP-UP

This week, I'm in Bali choosing to feel things.

And I'm also reclaiming the small, stupid things that make me smile. The red lipstick. The expensive coffee. The hour on the couch doing not one darn thing.

The things I've been telling myself I'm too old to want.

Pleasure isn't a reward you earn after being adult enough. It's not something you graduate from. It's not childish, frivolous, or a waste of money.

The older you get, the more you need it.

Because if you keep waiting until pleasure feels appropriate or mature or worth it, you're going to spend the rest of your life feeling nothing.

And that's not what growing up means. That's just slow death.

What are you reclaiming?

Until next week, Izzie Still Becoming. Still Unapologetically Me.

P.S. What small pleasure are you reclaiming this week? The lipstick? The hobby? The color? Reply and tell me. I want to hear about every silly, joyful thing you let yourself have.