Dear Fab Fam,

I have a problem–the truth keeps falling out of my mouth.

Don’t laugh. I’m really trying to curb it, but it keeps happening. I’ve reached the age where peace matters more than approval. The older I get, the less energy I have for pretending. That may be because the little bit of energy I do have goes into remembering what I did yesterday.

Now, when someone says something I disagree with, I just say so. When something feels off, I name it. When someone asks what I think, they get what I actually think. Wild concept, I know.

I’m not mean about it. I’m not out here burning bridges and calling it authenticity. But centering everyone else’s comfort before my own truth? That ship has sailed.

I used to be good at this: reading the room, judging how much truth someone could take, softening the edges, and packaging my real opinion into something palatable. But sometimes, the truth, no matter how you say it, doesn’t land softly.

You know what’s funny? While I’m wishing I had the money to retire early and move to a warm Caribbean island, my filter threw me the peace sign, said “peace…I’m out,” and took early retirement.

When we were younger, we wanted to belong. To do that, we thought we had to align with the group. That meant we couldn’t just say things they wouldn’t say, so we censored ourselves.

Here’s what I’ve figured out: there’s a difference between belonging and fitting in. Fitting in is shrinking yourself until you’re the right size for the room. Belonging happens when people know the real you and still pull up a chair.

One of those feels like freedom. The other gives you a backache from bending over backward to please people who don’t really care about you.

So consider this your permission slip. Say the true thing. Take up space. Stop performing the edited version of yourself for an audience that wasn’t paying that close attention anyway.

At some point, we have to stop confusing honesty with being unkind. If the truth sounds rude to someone, I’ve learned after 50 that it’s usually because they’re comfortable with lies—and that’s a them problem.

You’ve spent decades growing and becoming a woman. Your boobs have blossomed, your hips have widened, your dreams have changed, your priorities have shifted, your wisdom has been hard-earned, and your voice has finally found its strength. Why, after all that, would you make yourself smaller now?

You’ve earned this permission to take up space.

With love, Izzie

Forward this to the woman who's tired of biting her tongue to keep everyone else comfortable.

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